Tag Archives: slice of life

I Could Never Be Creative

“I could never be creative!” 

A plaintive cry from those who see other people create marvellous things and all the while bemoan their own futile attempts. 

Perhaps they tried once, and failed, not to take up a creative tool again. Yet the desire is there, the want is there, the need is there. They feel something is missing, a vacant space on the mantlepiece that wants to be filled.

I suspect at the root of it is fear.
The fear of failure. 
The fear of commitment.
The fear of rejection by family and/or friends.
The fear of not being good enough.

Every creative person I know has these fears. I have these fears. However, I do not let the fear dominate. 

I know I will fail. This is how I will learn to improve.
I know I must have commitment. This is how I learn discipline. Without it, I will not achieve my goals.
I know I will be rejected. This is normal for a writer. Rejection does not define my creativity.
I know I will not be good enough. This is how I will strive for greater. Comparison is a false economy to judge yourself.

“I could never be creative!”

YES. YOU. CAN.

(Think Bob the Builder).

You can be creative. You have to give yourself permission to start being creative. You have to start. You have to continue. You have to finish. 

Then you start again.

Start small.

If you want to be a writer, write a paragraph.
If you want to draw, scribble on a Post It Note.

If you want to cook, make cupcakes.
If you want to garden, buy a pot plant.
If you want to knit, learn to knot a basic square. Knit enough to make a baby’s blanket.
If you want to serve others, volunteer for a local charity.

For whatever creative endeavour you want to pursue, start small. Something you can do in twenty minutes or half an hour once this week. Commit to doing this creative act once a week for a month. In the second month, commit to twice a week. Give yourself permission to miss it if you need to (just don’t beat yourself up over it). In the third month, commit to as often as you are able: once, twice, three times a week. Even daily.

It’s understanding the power you have to be creative. Doesn’t need to be world-changing, just changing your world. Creativity is a safe place; a place where you are able to be you.

Be creative. Create.

What To Do When You Doubt Your Creativity

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I wrote this last week as Post It Note Poetry was coming to a close. For the month of February I was writing something new every day on the spur of the moment with very little editing or development. Dedicated crafting and revision is not the point of Post It Note Poetry.

Side Note: Post It Note Poetry presents its own set of creative issues and problems. I’ve reflected on them at the end of the month in 2013 (Post It Note Poetry Wrap Up) and 2014 (Lessons Learned from Post It Note Poetry). There is no need to revisit them again.

It has been a long while since I have written something new as I’ve been trying to complete the first drafts on some longer pieces (one of which is the stupid novella I’ve been saying I’ll write for the past 2 years). I have another short story (approx. 3.5K) that still needs work and has been revised and reworked numerous times.

What it all means is the process from idea to first draft, then edits, more drafts and finally, completion, is time consuming.

It’s the long drag between first draft and end of first draft (when you know the work has potential but it’s not yet realised) that makes me doubt. Even the short story mentioned above has been languishing for almost 12 months as I sort through various drafts, comments and plot issues.

Similarly, my novella and verse novel need some serious reworking in terms of plot. I started the novella with an outline but have realised it needs further revision. The verse novel started without an outline (trying different methodologies) and it needs a clear direction and focus. 

On top of that, the latter half of last year was a creative wasteland in some respects. Work demands were a high priority and a creative sink hole as I worked through marking papers, editing students’ major works and completed edits on a friend’s 104K sci-fi novel.

It meant I approached January as a time to rebuild myself creatively. But it didn’t happen. Everything I returned to felt like drinking a cup of sand. It was exhausting. And I seriously contemplated bailing on Post It Note Poetry as I doubted myself and my creative abilities.

What to do, then, if you are beginning to doubt your creativity? I have 2 solutions.

1. Stick with your creative community.

Your creative community is your most valuable asset. I have a group of people I can rely on to listen when I vent, whinge, complain, throw a tantrum, doubt, despair, consider chucking it all in.

They were there either via text or Facebook or messaging. Most of the time they simply listened. Occasionally they offered advice or encouragement. I have a creative colleague at school and we have our “Mea Cuppa” sessions, talking through ideas or talking rubbish while having cups of tea.

If you’re not part of a community, seek one out either in real life or online.

2. Keep turning up to the page as persistence pays off.

Deciding to complete Post It Note Poetry meant I had to turn up to the page Every. Single. Day. to complete a poem. Some poems came easier than others but I was compelled to keep going.

Even if you think you are creating rubbish, it is all about priming and preparing yourself for the next project whether it’s something new or returning to complete something older. It’s like training is for an athlete. Do the practice, complete the exercises in readiness for the main event.

For me, March (and the coming months) brings new vision and clarity for the projects I want to complete and the new ones on the horizon. For right now, I’ll keep turning up to the page and pressing on.

How do you keep your creativity flowing when you have doubts? Leave your ideas in the comments.

Post It Note Poetry Recap Week 4 – The End

Welcome to the end of the official month of Post It Note Poetry (don’t stop writing Post It Note Poetry; I won’t be stopping, only slowing down the production) but its time has come to an end for this year.

28 days of poetry. 28 poems. 1099 words (of questionable merit). In reviewing the poems I wrote, I am proud of many of them. Others have the potential to be developed or refined further. Some should be consigned to the rubbish bin. However, the point of this month was to simply write, and with permission to write badly, so I wrote. 

And now we have come to the last weekly recap. You can find the other weekly recaps here:

Post It Note Poetry Recap Week 1
Post It Note Poetry Recap Week 2
Post It Note Poetry Recap Week 3

At the end of last week’s recap I set myself a challenge to remix my own poems for the final week of Post It Note Poetry. I would take a single line from the poem and use it as the opening line of a new poem. Perhaps not so much a remix as an inspiration. Consequently it has opened up new ideas for next year with found poetry, other remixes and collaborations.

I found myself censoring lines, or thinking which lines might be good for the next day. It was a distraction from the poem at hand but I found the “OFF” switch to allow me to finish the poem. It may be easier to take the line from someone else’s poem because there is not the built in expectation of having to write something worthwhile. Maybe next year I’ll have another remix week where I borrow from other participants’ poems.

The poems are presented here in chronological order so you can see the progression, unlike previous weeks where they have been posted in reverse chronological order.

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Thanks for coming along for the ride of Post It Note Poetry. It will be back again next year. I will be writing more Post It Notes poems from time to time. Be sure to check my tumblr, Post It Notes and Poetry, for posts and poetry updates.

Do you have any favourites? Leave yours in the comments.

Post It Note Poetry 2015 Recap Week 1

It is the end of the first week of #postitnotepoetry.

I have collated here the first seven poems. This series of poems began after I heard a song titled, “Things To Do In Winter” and it inspired the idea of a loosely linked thematic suite.

Instead of seasons, I chose days of the week. Each day of the week was prefaced with an idea. In my notebook I hastily scribbled down a list of potential ideas and throughout the course of the week amended, deleted or built upon the idea for the day. 

Some poems were easier to write, others took longer to compost and come to fruition. I was surprised at the thematic darkness of some of the poems as it was not the initial intention; only in the repeated readings did the layers of darker interpretation emerge.

It made me wonder whether I was subconsciously channeling a darker theme, or purging the darkness within. I think that’s another blog post/poem in itself.

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If you want to join in the fun of #postitnotepoetry, grab a pen, a wad of Post It Notes and write. Take a photo it and upload it to twitter with the hashtag #postitnotepoetry

Friday Flash Fiction – Indentation

Welcome to another Friday Flash Fiction.

This piece was the development of a very short piece (sub-200 words) I had submitted for a competition. I wanted to explore the idea a little further and see what happened. 

I toyed with the idea of subbing it out again but am leaving it on the digital practice pile. 

Indentation

I dislodged your glasses the first time we kissed, tripping over the hidden arms of the frames as I ran my hands through your hair. Unseated physically and linguistically, I fumbled an apology.

“Romance inhibitors,” you said pushing the glasses over your forehead, collecting your fringe, before taking them off.

The kiss interrupted we drew away from each other. You felt behind your ears the indent of a new paragraph.

“I’ve worn glasses for years,” you said. “Never really noticed it before.”

You drew me in again and before our lips cautiously brushed, I wondered how you could see without your glasses; a stupid thing to think because our eyes were closed. My fingers returned to the place behind your ear and traced the indentation, a small eroded furrow, and I stopped, retreating my lips from yours.

Your face, now naked without adornment, I saw two more dents, small and red, on either side of your nose. The slight weight of pressure bridging your face giving you the chance to see.

Over the years I watched the indentations change shape with each new pair of glasses, watch you adjust to how the new frames sat on your nose and behind the ears. You pinch your nose when you buy new frames, adjusting to a new bridge; push them back up your nose when you’re sweaty and they slip down when you lean forward. You push them onto your head when you read a book.

You never really get to see it, except when you look in the mirror, but with each new pair of glasses I create a new character: the bookish librarian, a 50s executive, the hipster folk musician. Only when we retire to bed do I see the character removed when you put your glasses beside the clock radio on your bedside table. Your face is no longer framed by what I impose upon it; the only evidence the two small, red indentations on your nose.

 On the couch I slip under your arm, fit into the shape of your body, perhaps worn as smooth as the spot behind your ears and wonder if we have worn a furrow between my legs each time we make love. I feel the shape of you within me, the pacing of your movement when you’re above me and I focus on the bridge of your nose. Or when I sit astride you and move with my own rhythm. Have I worn you down through the repetition of our lovemaking?

Now I turn the wedding band around my finger, notice the furrowed shape encircling, evidence of the presence of you in my life.

I still run my finger along the indentation behind your ear, searching for that first kiss. But you hate it when I dislodge your glasses, especially while you’re watching TV.

I’ve learned to wait until the ad breaks.

 

Friday Flash Fiction – Up and Down

Today I am posting a piece of flash fiction I have been working on for a while. The second half of 2014 was turbulent mentally and emotionally from a creative viewpoint where my day job demanded a lot of my attention.

I put off some short pieces until later in the year and was trying to decide whether I put more work into them to get them ready to sub, or put them out to pasture and let them go the way of cassettes and VHS tapes.

When the school year ended I managed to come back to these short pieces to have a closer look at them. I worked them over and decided that it was not worth subbing them out as I didn’t think they would sell. Maybe they would have sold but I felt it was time to put the old things aside and focus on the new. I’m also clearing my virtual desk to make way for some other projects that I want to attend to. 

Any piece of work is a practice, a development of voice, tone, structure, ideas. Some of them will work, others won’t and it shows you what you need to improve. It’s also a case of ‘showing my work,’ seeing some of the progress, some of my ideas, what’s working, what isn’t.

But you get the benefit of a FREE READ. Please enjoy it.

Up and Down

The blank television screen flickered on as he pressed ‘Play’ on the video camera. A young boy wearing a Superman cape was engaged mid sequence moving like a pendulum, arcing back and forth, on a set of swings. The cape fluttered behind him on the upward trajectory and stuck fast to his bottom on the downward pass.

A disembodied voice, too loud against the background noise, jumped from the speakers. “Hey buddy, how you doing?”

The boy waved. “Hi Dad.”

The camera flicked sideways and a woman with her arms crossed filled the frame, focused on the boy on the swings and her gaze did not alter. With another flick the scene changed again to see-saw, a simple old-fashioned broad wooden beam with a metallic T-shaped handle. Once painted green, only flecks remained between the splinters.

“Want to swing a leg over?” his voice asked.

“We haven’t done that in years,” she said, her arms folded stedfastly.

Jerky movements and the shuffling of feet accompanied the quick passing of ground. The handle came into view, then a hand grasped it, pulled it closer to the camera. A bump, clatter and suddenly the movement ceased.

He raised his end to equilibrium, the seat in line with the horizon behind it then dipped it lower.

“Chivalrous,” she said and walked to the other end. “What have you done to the camera?”

“Attached it to the handle,” his too loud voice said.

She straddled her end, filling the frame, and took the weight. The camera jerked slightly as the sounds of him lifting himself onto his end filtered through. She moved higher as the horizon dipped beneath her.

“Think we’re a bit old for this?” she asked.

With a gentle push upwards, she descended, the horizon moving up and down like a pilot’s instrument as she stayed in the centre of the frame, an odd optical illusion. She bent her knees and absorbed the weight, feeling the pressure, making it difficult to gain purchase.

Slowly, momentum begat momentum.

Up

     and

            down.

            up.

     and

Down.

Movement opened conversation.

“Remember the roundabout in the old park by the railway station?”

“It always made me dizzy.”

“You felt sick on the carousel at Luna Park on our honeymoon.”

Up

     and

            down.

“But you did win me the big teddy bear.”

            up.

     and

Down.

“How are the kids going with their homework?”

“I am now adept at my times tables.”

“Katie’s teacher is worried about her progress.”

Up

     and

            down.

“Remember the holidays to Coffs Harbour when the kids were in primary school.”

“Car sickness all the way.”

“Katie was stung by bluebottles.”

“And bananas with every meal.”

“Stuart was convinced he’d become a monkey if he ate any more.”

            up.

     and

Down.

“I heard Susan’s mother died. How is she coping after the funeral?”

“She’s finding it very tough but she’s managing.”

Up

     and

            down.

“Want to try for equilibrium?”

The camera wobbled and rocked as they shifted and slid, her body leaning forwards and backwards, as her arms outstretched like she was balancing. The horizon settled in a moment of balance.

The afternoon breeze picked up, punching into the camera’s microphone, and almost imperceptibly the horizon behind her lowered as the balance shifted until he knew for certain he was descending while she ascended.

Up

     and

            down.

            up.

     and

Down.

            Two young faces crowded the centre of the seesaw, careening into the view of the camera.

“Mum and Dad, what are you doing?”

“Going up and down, sweetie.”

“That’s not a real answer.”

“Help your Mum off, please.”

His son offered a small hand to his wife. She twisted sideways and with a little girlish yelp, jumped off.

The imbalance of weight jolted the camera and when it steadied she was no longer in frame, the end of the seesaw vacant. The camera wobbled again as it was unclipped and the view pulled backwards until the whole seesaw was in the frame, slowly coming to a halt with his end paused above the ground.

Her voice broke in over the image. “You still ok to have the kids same time in a fortnight?”

“Yes.”

“Say goodbye to Dad.”

There was a sudden collision of bodies and arms, muffled farewells and the wet smack of kisses as the camera pointed to the dirty patchwork of grass and dirt. In the bottom half of the frame arms entanged each other and feet shuffled.

The embrace finished, the camera swung up and captured the boy and girl walking hand in hand with their mother, disappearing towards the car as a focal point.

The camera turned, focused on the seesaw paused in its trajectory.

Two young children raced over for their turn, chose an end, scrambled on and bounced

Up

     and

            down.

            up.

     and

Down.

Leaning forward he pressed the ‘Stop’ button and stared at the blank television screen.

 

Wish You Well

Happy New Year to you all.

2015 is here and whether you celebrate it with good intentions or good champagne, there is something about the marking of a new year that sets it apart.

Last night I played at a New Year’s Eve gig (I play drums in my spare time when I’m not teaching English or writing) and we always end our set with the song, ‘Wish You Well’ by Bernard Fanning (Powderfinger).

It’s a beautiful sentiment and we love playing it at weddings especially, to bless the new bride and groom, but it’s a positive sentiment to give to all our audiences. 

This year holds so many possibilities, many of which I have not foreseen, some I have planned for, but I intend to live out the year focused on the adage to ‘love thy neighbour’ because only when I seek to serve others will there be freedom and peace on Earth.

And so, with that in mind, I just want to wish you well for 2015. 

The Christmas Rose – A Story by Rus VanWestervelt

A writer I admire, Rus VanWestevelt (@rusvw13) has released a Christmas story, The Christmas Rose

A rose is covered in snow in a garden in Bremen, northwestern Germany. (Carmen Jaspersen/Getty Images)

A rose is covered in snow in a garden in Bremen, northwestern Germany. (Carmen Jaspersen/Getty Images)

It’s free to read, and to download, from his website. You can even read a ‘behind the scenes’ look at the meaning and motivation of the story. 

It’s a beautifully written story, very poignant and has a focus that goes beyond Christmas time. 

Do take the time to read and share the story.

Read the story: The Christmas Rose.

Read ‘behind the scenes:’ The Story Had To Be Told.

A Found Poem

Rifling through this list, 51 Of The Most Beautiful Sentences in Literature (via Buzzfeed) a poem formed in my mind by compiling, editing, amending some of the sentences.

I have come across this form by other writers. It’s an interesting new form in that it is almost a type of plagiarism (except I am acknowledging my sources), to create a new piece of work with words that are not mine. In some ways it is another form of blackout or erasure poetry.

Follow the link above to see which sentences I have borrowed and what I have changed. There are some instances of changing letters for the sake of grammatical accuracy, and I have divided up some of the sentences to link them with specific ideas or imagery.

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I took a deep breath
and listened to the old brag of my heart;
I am, I am, I am.
Sometimes I can feel my bones straining
under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.
Do I dare
disturb the universe?
What are men to rocks and mountains?
Folks say God crumbles up the old moon into stars.
The pieces I am,
I could see
standing there
leaning on the balcony railing.
How wild it was,
to let it give
them back to me
in all the right order.
an enormous, unmerited gift
given randomly,
stupidly
holding the universe together.
Everything was beautiful
and nothing hurt.
Let me be something
every minute
of every hour
of my life.
Let the wild rumpus start.

Prayer of Lamentations

In the light of a hostage tragedy in my home city, Sydney, Australia, we joined as a staff in the College chapel to pray. 

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Last night, in the midst of the uncertainty and doubt, I was inspired by the story of the social media hashtag #IllRideWithYou, where it demonstrated the biblical adage, “Love thy neighbour as yourself.” Despite race, creed, religion, people wanted to stand side-by-side with their fellow commuters and demonstrate their connection with one another. I haven’t been able to find out if it happened, but I hope that there are positive stories to be told.

As a community we prayed for understanding, for strength, to be instruments of peace. And as we joined in silent, contemplative prayer, the lines of a poem began to form in my head.

The biblical narrative contains the Book of Lamentations, a book of sorrow. Read in tandem with the Book of Job I see the power of grief and mourning as a time that should bring us closer together. It is a time to share the burden even when we don’t understand it. To simply be and let the people around us grieve in their own way in their own time. It is a theme I return to in my writing from time to time, and I have returned to it today.

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Let me hear the song of your heart
The song of lamentation
uttered in voiceless silence
and salted tears.
As I sit with you
pray with you
eat and drink with you
I will listen to you
That we may find strength
In one another’s grief
and extend comfort
through our joined hearts and voices
Teach me the song of lamentation
That I may know the song of your heart