Tag Archives: life in general

What Am I Doing?

Yesterday, in a moment of sheer, blind, unreasoning panic I questioned whether I was doing the right thing. On the eve of taking a long service leave, a 3 month break from my job, I doubted myself.

I am taking leave to write a novel, my first. Every negative idea ran through like the after effects of a bad curry: I can’t do this. You’re a fool to think you can write a novel. What if you get stuck? Will you ever finish it? No one’s going to read it.

This is something I am passionate about and want to succeed in. The journey of a thousand miles might begin with a single step, but it requires a hell of a lot of planning and a large supply of Band Aids for the blisters. In the same way, the finishing of a novel begins with the setting down of a single word. Then another. And another until The End is reached.

I am in this for the long haul. I have a dream to write novels. This time off is the first step to achieving that dream. I have plans in place to help make this dream a reality. I will learn a lot in the time it takes to write my first novel and I can translate this to the next, then the next and so on.

Following a conversation on twitter between Alan Baxter (@AlanBaxter) and Tom Dullemond (@Cacotopus) yielded this gem of thought: Those who maintain their focus and diligence in the face of rejection and disappointment will find it easier to sustain themselves than those who find success comes easily.

I know I have a cheer squad who will shake their virtual pom poms if I get stuck.

Hand me my cardigan and tracky dacks; I have a novel to write.

When There’s Nothing in the Pen

 

I am about to launch on a new adventure: write my first novel. In a little over 3 weeks, I get to take leave from my work and focus on writing a literary work.

There are two things I think of when it comes to the act of committing to write a novel.

The first comes from Seinfeld.

The other comes courtesy of Family Guy and the conflict between Brian and Stewie.

Each day when I sit down to write, these will be repeated as mantras. Please note the placement of my tongue is stuck firmly in my cheek.

I’ll let you know how it’s all going.

 

Jake and Charlotte

 

He invited her back to his place, their conversation far from finished. She was surprised to see the cello positioned in the corner of the lounge room.

“Classically trained from an early age and all through high school. My folks were classical musos and the guitar was beneath them. Had they never heard of Slava Grigoryan? But it was Eddie Van Halen I idolised. I learnt cello as a concession in order to play the guitar. I even learned a bit of piano until they were convinced guitar wasn’t a passing phase.”

He poured two glasses of wine, offering her a seat on the lounge. “Besides, playing cello doesn’t get you the chicks.”

“Do you still play?”

“All the time. It’s different to guitar in its feel, tone, pitch, sound.”

“Would you please show me?”

Setting his wine on the low bookshelf Jake placed the cello between his legs, resting it against his shoulder as he tightened the tension in the bow. With a light finger he plucked the strings, his ear held close to the strings as if he were listening for a heartbeat. Charlotte watched the tattooed arm tune the strings.

Satisfied with the tuning Jake drew the bow across the strings, pulling out long notes, full of longing, resonating deep in Charlotte’s chest. She pulled a camera from her handbag and a roll of film. Careful not to interrupt the virtuoso she adjusted the camera’s settings and closed her eyes for a moment, carried by the music. Opening her eyes Charlotte moved between notes and passages with the rhythm pressing the shutter in time with the music. Through the view finder her eye caught the lines of the bow perpendicular to the strings; Jake’s arched fingers against the neck, his knee hooked into the curve of the cello’s body.

Jake grinned at her once, changing the tune to a quicker, lighter pace before the sonorous tones emerged again. Charlotte crossed her arms and held her camera to the right of her chin, studying her subject. Moving back to the couch she wound off the film and began to reload.

“The sound is sensuous, almost melancholic, yet beautiful,” she said.

“Playing cello is like making love to a woman,” said Jake, his legs straddling the dark stained wood. His fingers rested lightly on the strings, the bow waiting for the invocation of music, the horsehair tickling the strings above the bridge.

“And like all guitarists, you name your instrument.”

The raven-haired woman crossed her legs on the couch and sipped at her wine.

“What’s her name?” she asked.

“Celie.”

The woman frowned, no knowledge forthcoming.

“From The Color Purple,” he said.

“The movie with Oprah in it. I’ve seen it. But isn’t Celie raped by her father and beaten by her husband?”

“I read the novel. It’s the redemption found in love. And you can’t treat a cello like a loose woman. That’s what guitars are for.”

Returning his focus he looked at the woman seated on his couch. She leaned back into the furnishings, her feet crossed beneath her.

“So this is your lover?” Charlotte asked indicating the cello with her wine glass. “How do you make love to her?”

Jake adjusted his legs around the cello. “You embrace her. Find the position where she is resting against you, comfortable and intimate. The body of the cello has the shape of a woman, curved and full.” Jake ran his hand down its body as if he were feeling a woman’s breast or the curvature of her thigh. Taking up the bow he began to play.

The cello’s notes, full of longing, took up the melody. “Each note made up here on the neck is her breasts: sensuous, ripe, engorged. With each touch you develop the song. You caress, press, touch.”

Jake saw Charlotte glance down at her own breasts, the fingers of her hand fiddling with the shirt button, perhaps conscious of their small size. He hesitated to make eye contact and let the music weave throughout the room, passionate incense perfuming the room.

“When you make love, you must remember all parts of a woman’s body. You embrace her to feel the softness of her skin, to inhale her fragrance, to consume her. But her breasts are but one part of the symphony.”

The bow arched and fell as Jake pulled and pushed it across the strings watching flakes of resin disintegrate from the hair and float under the light. The strokes gained intensity, no longer pushing and pulling, but thrusting with controlled ferocity. The music reached a crescendo, held sustained but not resolved. Jake plucked at the strings, the pizzicato quick, flicking the strings, holding the tension. Attacking the strings with the bow, the notes were drawn out in a hasty flight up and down the neck of the cello. An improvised solo, pushing, pulling, thrusting.

The bow arched sharply, the final note held in a vibrato by his fingers on the neck. Jake felt his breathing slow and become deeper. He rested his hands on his knees, touching the body of the cello, a light intimacy, the headstock leaning into his shoulder.

Charlotte, the raven-haired woman with the camera for eyes, put down her empty glass. Crossing the floor she felt Jake’s arm curve around her waist, pulling her into his lap. Positioning the cello between her thighs, her hands shadowing his as fingers. The bow moved arched slowly over the strings and her fingers followed his like a spider on the neck. Even now she could feel the vibration through the bow moving up his hand and into hers. Turning her head, her mouth brushed against his ear.

“Play me.”

 

This is an extract of a longer piece, which you can read on Sunday, as part of the Write Anything Form and Genre Challenge. Many thanks to Jodi Cleghorn for giving me permission to use her characters, writing the beginning of their relationship.

You can read the story that inspired it here: What I Left to Forget

 

2012 Anti-Resolutions

I am not one for New Year’s Resolutions. I simply lack the required discipline.

Therefore, here are 10 things I will not be doing in 2012. They are not hard and fast rules. Rather, consider them more as guidelines or suggestions.

1. I will not let grammatical travesties go unedited. I will be there with chalk, pencil, pen, permanent marker to rid this world of apostrophe abuse. Time to form the Punktuation Squad with my English Department.

2. I will not always be wearing pants.

3. I will not give up strawberry-iced doughnuts, strawberry milkshakes and caffeine-enhanced, temperature-decreased beverages. Elvis would be proud. I will, however, cut back. Sort of.

4. I will not let popular culture and the media reduce my level of intellect to that of a cesspool of mediocrity. I will tell stories of worth and intellectual depth. However, I will also include the occasional fart joke.

5. I will not forsake my faith. To others it may appear to be an opiate or a crutch, but it is my anchor, hope and love.

6. I will not believe that a cardigan is a fashion faux pas. I intend to purchase one from a second hand store for when I am writing. I have made every effort to ensure the wearing of a waistcoat, pocket watch and a hat are all in for a fashion resurgence.

7. I will not tell Year 7 their music choices are rubbish. I will lead by example and have them listen to the great music. They will come to know why it is great. I will also not spend the first 40 minutes of their music lesson playing a drum solo. But it would be pretty cool.

8. I will not forsake the company of good friends (and tell them they are loved and cherished), good books and good music. All three are integral to make this writer happy. Especially when combined with a cup of tea.

9. I will not let social media dominate my life. I’ll be right with you after I check my email, update my facebook, check twitter, comment on a few blog posts and browse Google+.

10. I will not measure my success against what others are achieving. Nor will I compare myself to what others have achieved or completed. I will measure my success by the goals I have established.

The Year That Was. The Year That Will Be.

We have reached the end of 2011.

Time's Running Out

The year is like a roll of toilet paper; the closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.

It is a handy time to pause and reflect, stare with focused gaze into one’s navel, pick out the lint and be careful you don’t stick your head too far up your bum and turn inside out.

THe year that was

I began writing in late 2009. I designated 2010 as my Practice Year. 2011 was to be the Year of Submission. Have I achieved it? No. Not in the way that I wanted because I didn’t create a plan.

By the end of the year I had three stories published: Headlines and Post-It Notes and Ashes to Ashes in eMergent Publishing’s Literary Mix Tapes’ anthologies “Nothing But Flowers” and “89.” I also had a piece of flash fiction, The Knight’s Defence published in the December edition of efiction magazine.

The first two came from associations and friendships formed via Write Anything. I am grateful for the wonderful opportunity to contribute, to be trusted as an unknown writer. Having The Knight’s Defence published makes me believe I have the potential to sell more.

the year that will be

A new year is a time to gird loins and make a list of No-No’s and Thou Shalt Not’s. Lists mean nothing unless there is a plan to back it up.

But I don’t do lists. I’ve decided on goals.

The problem is, I’ve never been much of a goal setting type of person. I’ve wanted to be one of those focused young things, changing the world before they’re twenty-five. Those years are a little behind me.

In the latter half of this year I set about designing and implementing writing goals. Lo and behold, I was able to reach them. Who’d a thunk it? I still need to revise the process, but it’s movement forward.

2012 is the Year of the Novel. I have never written a novel, although I’ve written enough words in the last year or so equivalent to a novel. And frankly, a pair of dark coloured underpants would be a useful to hide the fear I’m feeling.

But…

I am putting into place goals and plans to make this dream a reality. A key word to keep me going is “momentum.” I will set the marble rolling down the hill.

I will not measure myself against others. I will measure my success by the goals I have established.

Voices of Creativity

A brief twitter discussion about maths, science and the humanities took me down a little garden path about the subjects we studied at school and the voice of creativity we develop.

It began with a discussion about the correlation between music and mathematics (explains my humanities/maths/music balance) then veered into the vagaries of the quality of the teacher in front of the room (caveat: I am an English teacher).

The quality of the teacher does have an impact on the learning of the student. A good teacher recognises the different learning styles of the students in the classroom and differentiates the curriculum. A good teacher also understands there is a world beyond the classroom and brings it into the dialogue of the classroom. A good teacher shows students the applicability of the curriculum and content to the wider world.

But it led to one person in the discussion recounting a statement that discounts a student’s aptitude: “You’re not mathematically inclined.”

You can substitute “mathematically” for any subject: You’re not artistically inclined. You’re not historically inclined. You’re not scientifically inclined.

We all have preferred learning styles and ways of expressing our learning and creativity. I refuse to believe students should be placed into categories regarding their learning. We need to expand our thinking beyond the boundaries and confines of subjects (English, Maths, Science etc) to learning skills and problem solving, to develop higher order thinking skills.

The modern approach to learning is to know a lot about a narrow field of enquiry. Rather, we need to know a little about a wider field of enquiry. Kind of like a talk back radio host, except with a higher IQ and a lot more common sense; a modern Renaissance Man. I want to be a modern Renaissance Man.

However, we have preferences and passions in our learning and our interests. For some it is the humanities (English and History) while for others it is the formulae of Maths and Sciences. I am securely in the former while I enjoyed Maths and Sciences in high school. And others find their passion in music and instruments or paints and pencils.

We have voices. We have different voices. Each subject is a different voice to express one’s creativity and passion.

I have found my voice in writing. I also another voice that dabbles in music and there is some correlation and cross over between the two.

Creativity is not limited to the “arts” i.e. writing, music, drama, art, dance, film making.

There is beauty in the mathematical language of the universe, a deeper understanding of the shape and form of the natural world in the patterns of the ecosystem.

Find your own voice.

Paper Aeroplanes

The seagulls swooped and fell while others drifted on the updraft, hanging in the air like a child’s mobile suspended above their cot. The waves pounding the cliff face below provided the music, a lullaby of breathing in and breathing out.

I caught a glimpse of a Wandering Albatross whose wingspan is longer than I am tall. They say the albatross never touches land, except to feed and to mate, drifting from current to current. Is the albatross I see on the edge of the horizon a lost soul searching for home?

The ruckus of congregating seagulls at my feet was angling for the scraps from my lunch of fish and chips. Cheeky buggers; they have no manners. But I envy the birds and their power of flight.

When we were kids, my older brother and I pored over books we borrowed from the Library on paper aeroplanes. We manufactured every design and plan, testing our creations from the back deck of the house. Some we built for tricks, others for distance. My brother was fascinated with the physics of flight while I found the artistry in the folding. I branched out to origami, creating flocks of flightless birds I hung from the ceiling in my bedroom.

The need to fly never left me and I found the power to fly through words. Pen and paper, ink and ideas.

At my hand lies an old journal of mine I found when cleaning out boxes from the garage. My fifteen year old self was such an idiot. But there were words and sentences; flights of fancy in ribbons of black ink. I would slipstream over and under the words as they flowed.

Simply on a whim I tore a page from the journal and fashioned a crude paper aeroplane. Standing up from the picnic table I moved towards the edge of the cliff, parting the seagulls as an avian John the Baptist. As a prayer I launched the paper aeroplane, throwing my words into the world.

My word shall not return to me void, says the Lord God Almighty. I so hope the words coming back to me aren’t swear words.

The paper aeroplane took flight, bobbing in the eddies and draughts, flying down towards the maelstrom of waves. It dipped and spun, ducked and weaved to be consumed by the waters below.

Pages flew from the hanger of my journal, transformed into shapes born for flight. Some plummeted to the ground, felled by the weight of the words. Others returned to me from the void, swept upwards by thrusts of air. They flew over my head and were lost in the scrubland behind the car park. The temptation to search for my words was strong, to see what was so important that it should return, but I let them be.

With my journal now a spine without a body to support, I headed back to the car. I paused from turning the ignition, caught by one more vision of the albatross. Childhood has aged into adolescence, matured into adulthood, yet I am still learning how to fly.

Sounds of the Heartbeat

A Rhythmic Pulse in Seven Parts

Prologue

With a wavering finger, the stylus dropped from the cradle onto the vinyl with hisses, cracks and pops.

I

A sloshy whumpa whumpa whumpa pulsed from tinny speakers, sounding all too fast to new parents’ ears.
“It’s perfectly normal,” reassures the nurse. She needn’t ask if it’s their first because she can see it. She can tell from the goofy smiles, the clasped hands, the shuffling feet.
“It makes a good techno beat,” he says, bopping his head.
A grainy black and white sketch modulates on the monitor, an almost static display.
“It’s an explosion in a rice factory,” she says.
The rice concoction flurries as the sonographer squelches through conductive gel.
“Bladder press,” she giggles.
Toes, hands, head, spine emerge in the rice pattern. A pause. The smallest of movements of the grains of rice, off-centre.
“And there is your baby’s heart, beating perfectly.”

II

In the quiet hours of night, a small figure wearing pyjama pants that are too long, cries at imagined figures he sees in the shadows. His tears fall in blubbering sobs as the shadowy figures are held at bay in the fortress of his mother’s arms. In the crook of her arms he rests, soaking the shoulder of her pyjamas with his tears and snot. The bedside lamp banishes the shadows. Rocking gently she feels his little heart thumping a staccato march against her own, a peculiar poly-rhythmic ostinato. The frenetic pounding of his heart pushes adrenaline until it is consumed. His pulse returns to resting pace, and the whispered breaths of sleep.

III

Adrian’s bestest present on his eighth birthday was a stethoscope, a gift from Auntie Louise. The sounds of birthday chatter receded and amplified as he put the ear pieces in. The sound of his breathing echoed in his head.  Pushing his t-shirt up and placing the bell of the stethoscope on his chest he heard da-dum da-dum, da-dum da-dum.
“I can hear my heartbeat,” he said.
“Too loud,” said his mother. “You have the stethoscope in your ears.”
All the young cousins came over and Adrian listened intently. The stethoscope passed from hand to hand and ear to ear as the new music of their hearts astounded them.
“Can I put it on your chest and listen to your heart? Adrian asked his cousin, Bella.
Bella crossed her arms across her seventeen-year-old bosom, blushing at her family’s laughter.
Adrian frowned as Bella strode into the kitchen. His mother, hiding a smirk behind parental duties, ushered him away and changed the topic.

IV

Two hearts beating in unison. Two bodies of flesh made one. Sated and spent, clinging to each other in love’s embrace, gulping in mouthfuls of air, lest the “little death” claim them both.

She giggled as his whiskery stubble grazed her breast. He mumbled an apology and lay still, resting between her breasts.

In his ear he felt the blood rushing through her body; the pulse a subsonic rumble of a laden passing freight train.

Her nipple softened as the freight train faded into the distance. He eyed it greedily, waiting for the train to pass by again.
V

He awoke to the sound of elephants tap dancing to heavy metal blast beats. Shaking his head, he failed to dislodge them and bring down the curtain on their impromptu performance. Lying very still he found the ruckus more bearable.

“Hi Dad.”

He waved at the dislocated voice as his heart relocated itself in his head, thumping behind his eyes.

“Dad’s awake,” the voice yelled. The elephants resumed their limited repertoire.

“Good afternoon, darling,” said his wife. “It must have been some celebration.”

All he remembered was too many beers after the Wentworthville Magpies C Grade won the Grand Final. And then there was some illusory scrap of memory of karaoke. He was singing. He should never be singing.

The whumping of the pulse behind his eyes provided the bottom end bass tones for the elephant performance. He hoped the finale would be short lived.
VI

The sun had only been up for a couple of hours, but his hands were already immersed in soil and mulch. Resting on a high stool he focused his attention on the bonsai Japanese maple tree. Before him lay small secateurs, copper wire, scissors.

His grandson shadowed his side. “You look like a giant with all these little trees, Grandpa. What are you doing?”

“Listening to the music of the spheres.”

The boy looked nonplussed.

“It’s the heartbeat of the universe, knowing when to plant and when to reap, based on the phases of the moon and the turning of the seasons. It helps me to see how to shape this little tree.”

“Does the universe have a heartbeat?”

“Yes. It’s in all living things. It takes a careful ear to listen to their rhythm.”

“That’s weird.”

“Come on. Let’s water the fruit trees.”
VII

The mechanical ping of the heart monitor chimed. The gathered family watched the machine pulse and then turned to the rhythm of his chest rising and falling.
Each person imagined his or her own heart rate falling into unison with the machine’s ping, a snare drum marking the beat of a sombre funeral march.
The pings grew further apart, registering the time slowing as springs unwind in a clock before coming to rest.
At the request of a nod, a nurse turned down the volume.
A final inhalation.
Exhalation.
Cessation of rhythm and the ping changed to a single note, a pulse of finality.

Epilogue

The stylus returns to the cradle as the record spins to a stop.

Tougher Than a Service Station Kebab

They say legends are born, not made and it’s only a matter of time before their true potential is revealed. This is one of those stories.

One Saturday night, three housemates tumbled out of the pub under the heady influence of fermented hops and headed down the hill. The way they saw it, going home was considered “downhill” despite the obvious rise to the concrete landscape.

At the last corner before turning into their street was a service station. Sitting at the perimeter of the service station lights was a silver caravan, a relic of the 1950s. It had converted into a makeshift kitchen, resting on a pile of besa blocks. It had the rounded form, like someone had flattened an oval, yellowed lace in the rear window. The door side had been converted into a servery hatch with a Formica bench top, now cracked and rusted along the metal coping. Fly screens came half way down the wide open window allowing the passing of food and money. A roller screen kept the daylight at bay.

The proprietor, Mr G, never spoke, or when he did, it was little mumbles. He could take a dozen orders in his head and knew who ordered the double meat, half meat, chilli sauce or extra tabouli on their kebab.

The trio, Andy, Stuart and James caught the aroma of the kebab caravan and followed their nostrils, leaning against the bench top and soaking in the delicious aroma.

Mr G. nodded and took their orders while the lads fell to the philosophy of the kebab.

“A kebab isn’t a kebab unless you end up wearing some of it on your shirt or jeans,” said Stuart and there was murmured assent.

“I prefer the kick you get from chilli sauce,” James said, his mouth beginning to salivate.

“It’s the perfect meal of meat and vegetables,” Andy intoned as the three wise guys watched their late night feast being prepared.

Shortly after, three kebabs were delivered, wrapped in foil and garnished with a serviette.

“You always need more than one serviette, I reckon,” said Andy as they began the drunken stagger home, peeling the foil back from their midnight snack. “We should get Mr G. to put some more out.”

Walking and eating are not actions easily mastered, doubly so when intoxicated and trying to eat a kebab. Somehow the trio managed the short walk home and finished their midnight feast at the kitchen table, licking sauce-laden fingers and mopping stray strands of onion from their chins.

“Right, I’m off to bed. Night fellas,” said Andy.

James and Stuart raised their hands in recognition but were not too far behind in heading for the horizontal.

The horror began in the breaking dawn of Sunday morning. James was the first.

He woke up feeling the effects of a late night kebab and a few too many beers. The queasiness of his stomach he put down to the night before. Suddenly he felt his stomach lurch. Vaulting from his bed he bounded into the hallway and sprinted the short distance to the bathroom. Kneeling before the porcelain god, he embraced it in a pose of worshipful adoration and presented his offering. His stomach muscles heaved in violent protest, venting the contents in a technicolour stream.

Each spasmodic episode racked his body until he saw stars. His fingers fumbled for the button before successfully washing away his sins. As the bowl emptied he spat to clean out his mouth. He was shocked by its ferocity. His gut rumbled in turbulent fury and he spewed again.

Resting his head against the coolness of the tiles he surmised it was simply the results of last night’s drinking and the service station kebab on the way home.

“Out of the way,” said Stuart as he rushed into the bathroom, covering his mouth with his hand. James’ and Stuart’s legs became tangled as Stuart occupied the space where James had been. James scrambled out of the way while Stuart chundered into the bowl.

“What the frig is going on?” asked Andy rubbing his eyes while scratching his crotch. “How hung over are you?”

“This is no hangover. This has got to be something worse.” James washed his face in the sink before holding his stomach.

“Food poisoning, perhaps,” said Andy.

Over the next hour, Stuart and James tagged each other in and out of the bathroom. There was one unfortunate crossover and James was forced to use the sink. Andy watched the scene like a UN observer, choosing not to get involved, while the other two wondered when Andy would be struck down.

James and Stuart sat on the lounge under blankets with grey, clammy faces. Each had a container, be it a bucket or an Esky positioned at his feet. The pungent stench of vomit permeated the house, puncturing the force field of air freshener.

“I have hurled so much my stomach just hurts,” said James. “There is absolutely nothing left.”

“My girlfriend makes me do Pilates with her and I thought it made my stomach sore. I will never complain again.”

Stuart leaned forward and dry-retched into the Esky. Low moans echoed.

“Here you are boys,” said Andy, from the front door. “I’ve brought you some relief.” He passed a bottle of Gatorade to each weakly offered hand.

“Take it easy. Little sips, little sips or you’ll be throwing it all up again.”

“I can’t believe you’re not affected by this,” said James.

Andy shrugged. “Guess I’m just tougher than a service station kebab.”

And thus, a legend was born. But like every superhero, Andy’s hubris would be his undoing, but that’s a story for another time.

The Red Balloons

This is a collection of vignettes written over a period of time, using the symbol of a red balloon. The other symbol is the black dog, a metaphor for depression. Each is only six sentences in length.

#1 – Prayers

Elise scrummaged in her little sister’s art and craft box for a marker. Sitting against the bed she wedged the red helium balloon her knees and began to write the jumbled and dislocated prayer of a twenty-something. Looking at what she had scribed, it looked like a crossword puzzle with the answers filled in but no clues to help give meaning.

Going into the backyard she took a deep breath and let the ribbon unfurl through her fingers as she exhaled. Elise shaded her eyes as it rocketed upwards, a seed propelled by faith, with hope that it would conceive and bring forth life, until she could see it no more.

She wondered if it had reached God or if it had burst before God could read it.

#2 – I’ve Always Wanted To Fly

I’ve always wanted to fly as I watch the balloons float away above the carnival, wishing I had that freedom.  The closest I can get to that wish is memory and imagination.  My body aches at the remembrance of grasping the chain of the swing set; leaning backwards, getting dizzily disorientated watching the world arc from blue to green to blue.  I imagine flying feels a lot like swimming in an aquiline ocean, rising and falling with the phases of the moon, feeling the push and pull of the currents.

Reaching behind I untie the red balloon from the handle of my wheelchair and say a little prayer.  I let my red balloon go into the blue firmament of heaven, above the heady aromatic cloud of fairy floss, deep fried food and the dusty warmth of cattle, to live vicariously for me.

#3 – Simple Pleasures

Streamers floated in the breeze and cake crumbs littered the tablecloth while the lounge room floor was strewn with the debris of a six year old tornado who had torn into wrapping paper to get at the goodies.  But Matthew abandoned the boxes of Lego stacked beside a bright yellow dump truck covered in layers of new t-shirts and pants for a dash around the backyard.  A bright red balloon trailed like a comet behind him as he whooped and hollered while the dog leapt and barked and howled with delight.  In his game the balloon became an orbiting moon as astronaut Matthew moved in slow motion steps with a bucket on his head.  A few days later he imagined that it was a jellyfish when it hung in limbo between the ceiling and the floor and he pretended to swim around it as it bobbed in the air.  Grandparents and relatives chuckled their approval and remembered when things were simpler and would not begrudge a small boy his bright new toys.

#4 – Hope

The red balloon bobbed above the heads of the comings and goings in the hospital corridor like a colourful speech bubble.  It bounced into the children’s ward where tubes were worn like necklaces and bandages were a new zombie craze.  Offsetting the bleep of machines and odour of sickness the red balloon added another splash of colour, lighting up sallow faces.  With the help of a black texta, some purloined rubber gloves from the box on the wall and a little bit of creativity the red balloon became a dancing clown.  Laughter expelled fear to the dark corners of the room while hope settled in the creases of rumpled blankets.  And for a brief moment even the adults were children again, joining in the mirth and imagination, remembering their own made up games.

#5 – My Black Dog

My black dog flumped onto my feet while I watched television, formed to the curvature of the couch, and in his mouth was the tattered remnants of my red balloon.

All afternoon I had watched him skulking around the back door, but he nuzzled his way in, eyeing off the red balloon that floated on the draughts through the cracks in the windows. With a quick snap he had taken the balloon in his mouth and popped it.

He looked triumphant with his saggy jowls knowing I was defeated and would not move from where I had taken up position. The afternoon shadows crept like soul’s darkness across the floor, a marshy quicksand that sucks you down below into its depths.

However, my black dog tends to forget that I have a pocketful of red balloons.